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The Bridge to Somewhere

Both parties are trying to bridge the gap between their current positions and the position that will ultimately bring them victory. Between both parties and the consummate power over the quality of our lives and stewardship of the direction our country will take as of January 2009, is a channel. A channel infested with history and records (or the lack thereof), dubious ties and relations, gaffes, sexism, racism, fascism, liberalism, neo-conservatism, the MSM, the Religious Right, Reverend Wright, Keating 1,2,3,4 and 5, Osama Bin Laden, Al Quaeda, earmarks, lobbyists, Iraq, Iran, Pakistan, Afghanistan, y’all get the message…it’s a putrid cesspool. As I observe the construction of the McCain Bridge I feel like I’m visiting a hot dog factory. I’ve eaten hot dogs all my life but I haven’t trusted hot dogs completely since once when I was a kid and bit into one and found myself chewing on something that I felt should not have been in a hotdog. It was definitely not something Oscar Meyer would have shown in their commercials. And now, upon visiting the factory for the first time, my distrust has been fully validated. The Obama Bridge feels like being backstage at a Stevie Wonder Jr. concert. He has all the talent and genius of the father but not only was he born with a sense of entitlement, and not only isn’t he blind, he has little of the edge that I loved about the 70’s version of Stevie. The “Innervisions,” “Fulfillingness First Finale,” and “Songs in the Key of life,” Stevie. Junior jumps between the Motown “I was made to love her,” “Signed, sealed, delivered,” Stevie, and the post-pissed off / fired up “I just called to say I love you” Stevie.

The Republicans, (with Rove as Chief Engineer) by all appearances, began this project with the same material they used for their previous presidential bridge projects: fear, disguised as National Security. Fear is steel. Fear built Bush’s 2nd bridge (corruption built the first one) and the bridges of a lot of Republican politicians. Especially this particular steel: It’s Ground Zero Steel. It’s a virtually unyielding, robust metal, melded in the cauldron of ground zero, 7 years ago. It is to regular steel what zero point energy is to atomic energy. And, until the recent economic 9/11, the bridge was well on it’s way to completion.

The Democrats began the construction of their bridge with a material called change. Change is by no means a new material. It has built many a bridge to Washington, most notable JFK’s. Though, it hasn’t built as many bridges as fear, it is not to be underestimated. In the hands of the right engineer, change is a formidable brand of steel. In the hands of Obama, Axelrod and Plouffe it has proven to be the right stuff because they had the foresight to reinforce their steel of change with, well, grassroots. Sounds kind of like some witchdoctor’s concoction but grassroots is basically metal literally found in the streets and farms all over this country, and if you know how to locate and procure it, well, it can fortify any steel into damn near adamantium (like Wolverine’s skeleton).

Recently, both parties have essentially had to scrap their original blueprints. Fear Steel has has been showing signs of having a seven year shelf life and Change steel (mixed with grassroots) seems to have the same vulnerability that 9/11 steel reportedly had: an inability to withstand sustained heat at a certain temperature. In this case, the heat emanates from the kitchen sink.

Yes, both campains have had to step back to the lab.

The Republicans unveiled their new blueprint first. Actually, it wasn’t new. They’d gone to democrat’s lab, not unlike they did back in the 70’s, the original “gate”, Watergate, and unleashed some Change Steel of their own, only they couldn’t get their hands on the secret ingredient, the two sccops of raisins, ie, the grassroots, so they impetuously came up with a secret ingredient of their own: Alaskan Un-blinking Steel. It was risky to say the least. Mixed properly, the steel has the potential to complete this and many bridges to follow in the future. Mixed improperly and, well, everybody knows that old kids game “London Bridge is falling down… my fair lady.” (My favorite part was always “Take the key and lock him up!”)

The Democrats, gazing upon this diabolically, cynically, and desperately audacious new style from the Republican engineers, were dumbfounded. “What the hell are they engineering? Their own defeat?” The Democratic Engineers asked themselves. For this new blueprint smelled like Napalm in the morning, you know, victory…for about an hour. Then, it began to reek as the true genius of this new change additive began to mix just as those geniuses has anticipated. The Democratic Bridge to the White House was starting to look like a bridge to Nowhere.

The Democratic bridge construction workers started wringing their hands in panic. But, the engineer told them all to remain calm. He had a notion about this violitility of this new Alaskan Un-blinking shit. He suspected that it was unstable. Be patient, he instructed them.

And, just as he anticipated, the Alaskan Un-blinking steel began to crack. And at the same time an economic crisis arose, the perfect storm. So they decided to stick with Change steel and grassroots.

Let’s see who gets somewhere and who gets stuck in the cesspool.

Obama ’08

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